ben_hassrath | for skremisher [completed]

for skremisher [completed]

[ In days following his decision on the hill, Bull had struggled in coming to grips with the implications of what he had done. It had created a crisis of self for the Qunari, as he battled with just what it all had meant. He could no longer pretend to be two people, he had chosen, and that choice had been to remain loyal to the Qun. Bull did not regret this, because regretting the choice would have been disrespectful to the sacrifice his men had made. It hadn't made it any easier to deal with, but he allowed himself time to grieve, and those closest to him had made the process easier.

Now, he feels a whole man. He honors his Chargers by the work he does through the Inquisition, with each Venatori bastard he puts down with his own hands. Sometimes he'll toast to them, with others or on his own, tell (sometimes exaggerated) stories of their escapades as a mercenary band, keeping their memory alive, if only for his own sake. It's what he does to make things feel right.

Tonight, he's in his usual spot in the tavern, keeping to himself for the most part. Usually, he might be telling stories with his companions, or flirting with whoever's tending the bar, but tonight he's content to sit back and watch. He nurses a mug of (regular) ale, letting his mind wander as the bard in the corner plays. It gets easier with every passing day, not having them here with him, but that doesn't mean he likes it. ]

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[Krem's steps halted, a few paces away from where Bull was leaning now. His tone was less accusatory now, a note of genuine curiousity to be had. A stark change from where the younger mercenary's tone had been but moments ago - but this was truly what it all boiled down to.

Despite the surges of emotion Krem had shown, the ups and downs - this was the question he'd needed to ask. In the end, this was what mattered the most.]

When this is all over... Will you turn yourself in to the re-educators? [He wet his lips, hands slowly moving into fists again.] Will you let yourself forget us?

[ The change in tone offers him some form of relief, makes him feel less like he stands on trial. Still, the question hits him hard, and it pushes his thinking back towards the idea that this really could be Krem. ]

They can pry those memories away from me when I'm dead and bloody. [ He scoffs, as though the question itself offends him. ] I'll never forget my Chargers.

[It's those words that slowly make Krem's expression change, corners of his mouth turning into a smile. Those were the words he was looking to hear, the words that would assuage even his deepest fears. Bull wasn't going to forget him. The Chargers meant something more to him. They weren't simply another band of mercenaries, a step he needed to fulfil the Qun's demands.

The Chargers belonged to Bull. A memory he wouldn't let die.

There was something genuine in those eyes of his, a warmth that seemed to spread through Krem's face. His eyes, even if they were still wet, were filled with pride. He lived as a Charger, he died as a Charger. Everything he did had been for the Iron Bull - and it wasn't an effort in vain.]

The Qun's always been what's given you purpose... But the Chargers were that for me. Thanks Chief - for giving me a purpose, making me feel like I belonged somewhere.

[He wet his lips a little, looking far more relaxed now, holding out his arms.]

And thanks... For bringing me back here.

[ It lifts some weight off his chest, to see that he's said the right thing. More than that, what he said was the truth. It's true that he was never supposed to become close to the ragtag group of people that made up the Bull's Chargers, but that was how it had happened, and he wouldn't trade that for anything. Bull pushes himself off from the wall, stepping towards Krem. ]

I brought you here?

[ It's a quiet question, barely falling from his lips. He doesn't know if Krem will have an answer for that, he doesn't know if an answer exists. Maybe it doesn't matter. If Krem is a figment of his own imagination, or an echo, or a spirit in true... this brings some semblance of peace for the both of them. He looks at the mans outstretched arms, wondering if there is anything there to touch. ]

You were the best lieutenant any man could ask for. Thank you for that, Krem.

You did. Brought us all here.

[Bull spread their remains over the wall, let their ashes carry across Skyhold. Krem's smile remained, arms still stretched out. Whatever he might be, he seemed real enough in this moment, all that pride and warmth in his eyes.]

You gave me a happy life these past years. Even when things were tough, even when I nearly lost my head. You - and the Chargers - were the best thing that ever happened to me, Chief.

[He couldn't help but let out a laugh, breathing in as he blinked quickly a few times, to hold back the tears in his eyes. Chargers didn't cry.]

You're going to rail on me for being a sap in a minute but it's the truth. I've never been happier - or prouder - to serve someone.

[ He understands now, as much as he can understand this situation. It makes something inside him hurt, ache, but it's a good ache. He's proud of his men, he always have been, proud of their work and of their sacrifice. Come what may, their memory will never be stripped from him, and you can be sure that'll he be telling tales about the Chargers for as long as people have ears to listen with. ]

I'll save it for the other side.

[ He smiles, his voice softer, hushed, humbled by the gravity of this interaction. He assumes they will meet again, some day, once something eventually takes Bull out (he hopes it's something big, monstrous) but until then, the jokes can wait. This opportunity may never come again. ]

I was lucky to have you in my company, Krem. I'm thankful for that.

[Krem's arms finally dropped to his sides again, straightening out as he nodded to his leader. There was a warmth in the air now, something light and airy - like the tavern felt when all the Chargers were together. Something joyous, something fond. Krem reached up to rub at his eyes with the side of his hand, wiping away the wetness there.]

Just keep your horns up, Chief - and we'll be waiting. We'll be fighting right there with you. I've always had you back, haven't I?

[Krem lowered his hand, that smile across his face - proud and strong. Everything Bull remembered Krem to be.]

Just don't let them take us from you. They took our lives but don't let them take our legacy.

[ Bull can feel the change in the air, feeling more relaxed now, or something close to it. His gaze remains transfixed on Krem, and in these moments he seems more a man than a spirit, the person that Bull had fought beside on the battlefield and laughed with off it. He feels something sudden swell up in his chest, catch in throat-- a sob, that he chokes on. Bull drags his hand down his face, muttering something in Qunlat, trying to collect himself. ]

Horns up, Krem. [ He lets out a sigh that seems to run through him, makes him shudder. ] They'll be singing about the Chargers for as long as they have voices to sing with.

[Krem let out a small laugh through his nose, hesitating for a moment before he brought his hands up to his head. He held them as fists at the sides, raising his index fingers on either hand - making them look like little horns sprouting from his head. It was a juvenile display, nothing impressive but it was playful. A playful gesture between the two men, a chiding mimicry of sorts between the pair.

Horns up.]

Make sure Maryden sings our song tonight. I want to see every bastard in that tavern raise a glass in victory.

[ This entire time, Bull has managed to remain relatively calm, his emotions heavily guarded. He doesn't understand why it's now, when things seem to be easier, lighter, that he feels a deep pain in his chest. He's crying, he realizes, and though it's silent he still presses his hand over his good eye, trying to hide it. There's no point in doing so, he's sure Krem's already seen it, but it's more a point of pride. ]

You've got it. We'll open up a cask of the good stuff, the best stuff.

[ He misses Krem, misses all of them, so deeply. It hurts. ]

[Krem closed his eyes, lowering his head a bit - though Bull could still see his expression. He looked to be at peace, content. His shoulders relaxed a little more, breathing in before opening his eyes and looking to his friend. Krem had tears that matched Bull's own - blinking them away as best he could, though a few fell to his cheeks, the same as the ones falling from Bull's good eye.]

Break it open with an axe for me - and don't stop until it's drained. Sing, laugh and rejoice. You and the Inquisition still have a war ahead of you. Fight on and fight proud.

[He wet his lips, bringing a hand up to wipe at his eyes and his nose.]

There's an old Tevene phrase my father used to tell me. Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim. [His native language didn't roll off the tongue as nicely as some - it was still rough around the edges, like Krem himself.] Just keep it in mind - and keep moving forward.

Come on, Krem...

[ Though he hates to be in this state in front of anyone, much less Krem, it's a pain that he had been withholding for far too long. It's finally allowed out, released, and while it's embarrassing, it's cathartic. He had denied himself this for far too long. ]

You know I don't understand that crap.

[ Which is to say, translation please. ]

[Krem's hands came up to wipe his eyes again, sniffling as his palms tried to wipe those tears from his cheeks. His eyes were red, still watering as he spoke, stubborn tears refusing to stop.]

I know. You didn't even know what that bastard Tribune was saying when you jumped in, when you grabbed that one's arm and his knife found your eye. It was okay though - he didn't have that arm much longer. You didn't care what they were saying, what language they spoke. You were a mad bull, seeing red. Helped me teach 'em a lesson, helped patch me up.

You didn't care if I was a Vint like them. I was bleeding, you ripped my shirt to see - you saw everything underneath.

[Krem's voice cracked a little, pausing to choke back a sob. His hands scrubbed at his eyes again, taking a moment to breathe. He shook his head and looked up again, sniffling once more.]

You didn't care. You were the first person who didn't care.

[And that had meant everything to him. He struggled to hold back another sob, hands down at his side and balled into fists.]

Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim. [He repeated it again, straightening his back and doing his best to stand at attention.] Means, "Be patient and strong; someday this pain will be useful to you".

[ Bull reaches out towards him, afraid of what he'll touch, or rather, what he won't touch. Right now, all he wants to do is to be able to put his hand on Krem's shoulder, but- he's startled when his fingers hit something solid, Krem's shoulder. He doesn't know how it's possible, and doesn't care to ask. ]

What the fuck else could I have done? Let them string you up?

[ He pulls Krem to him, certain that it will be only air, but there's something solid there and he's thankful for that. In this moment, he wants... just to remember the man Krem was, remember the years of wild antics they've shared. ]

Vint or not, couldn't have let them, they didn't even know a good man when they saw one.

[ And Krem had been nothing short of a good man. He scoffs at the translation, but it's lighthearted. ]

Figures it'd be something like that.

[ Something that pierces him, something he'll never forget. ]

[As Bull pulled him close, Krem's arms wrapped around the man - stretched as far as they could around his much wider frame. He pressed his face against his chest, tears against that grey skin and falling onto Bull's harness. Krem's fingers dug into Bull's back, gripping him as hard as he could - hard enough for the man to feel that embrace, to feel that Krem was right there.]

You're such a bastard sometimes, Chief.

[His voice cracked again at those words, muffled against Bull's chest. The words were spoken with affection, Krem unable to stop himself from rubbing his cheek against his friend, wanting that contact for just a moment more. He was quiet for a time - maybe a few seconds, maybe a few minutes, it was impossible to tell.]

In a minute... I'll be gone. Your arms are around a practice dummy out here - and you're feeling something wet because it's starting to rain. I'm not here anymore - but I had to say goodbye.

[ Krem will be gone. It something he can barely process, something he doesn't want to think about. These last few moments mean more than he can ever say, ever express. If it's al in his head or not, he doesn't care. He got a chance to say goodbye, more than he ever deserved. ]

Krem, don't...

[ Don't go, he wants to say, but there's nothing he can do that will allow him to stay. He can't even bring himself to say the word "goodbye", everything else will just have to do in its place. ]

[And that was it. Krem was silent - and though Bull still felt something hard against his chest, there was no warmth to it. There were no longer arms around his middle, no more fingers clutching at his back.

Raindrops fell onto his shoulders, starting out slow before they grew heavier, beating down on him. Figment of Bull's mind, a spirit, a demon - whatever this had been, it was gone now.

Krem, and the Chargers, were no more.]

[ And just like that, Krem is gone, if he ever was there at all. Bull stands alone in the rain, with nothing, no one, in his arms. He doesn't know how to categorize what he just experienced, if any of it was real. Maybe it wasn't, maybe it was his way of processing his grief, but he chooses to believe otherwise.

It's something he'll keep to himself, maybe one day the Inquisitor will coax it out of him, but for now, it's his and his alone. Bull remains out in the rain, frozen to the spot. Minutes pass that feel like years before he finally moves again. He's heading back into the tavern, with the usual swagger in his step and a familiar tune on his lips, in the form of a whistle.

No matter what tomorrow holds, our horns are pointing up. ]

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for skremisher [completed]

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CRIES

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my brain is on the fritz sry

It's all good!

on my second playthrough and doing demands of the qun.... cry

Don't kill them this time!! Look at what you're doing to Bull.

I DID but that mission still breaks my heart

:V clearly we need to do another thread of Krem helping Bull deal with being Tal-Vashoth now

it's like you read my mind...

Sometimes we need a happy.

they definitely deserve some

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how I feel about this thread: http://i.imgur.com/06HPutB.jpg

me right now - http://i.imgur.com/xapScYz.gif

to sum things up: http://i.imgur.com/m7Ey7EM.gifv